how did i get here?

i've been married to my husband for 8 years and i haven't been happy for about 5. i love him but i don't like him a lot of the time, which is just awful. it's awful to feel that way, and even worse to put it into words. i don't like how he talks to our kids. i don't like how he always has to have the last word. i don't like that he is always right, and no one can change his mind. i don't like that the "i'm sorrys" always have a "but" after them. we all know those aren't genuine apologies! i don't like that he no longer gives a fuck about his health. like, what? how do you not want to take care of yourself so you can be here for your children? i just don't know what to do so i put a smile on my face and go through the motions. i know i "should" leave but it's truly not that easy. if we split up, things would be horrendous for my sweet bonus daughter. i can't do that to her. in 2 years, she'll be 18 and i know she'll fly as soon as she can. maybe my true soulmate is out there somewhere? maybe i'll just enjoy being alone and not having anyone else's crap cluttering up my space, and my head.